On not blogging…

Sigh.  Perhaps you have things to sigh about, too.  So let’s all take a deep breath in, pause, and blow it out as hard as you can.  That’s a quote from a sleep meditation that I have on my Kindle.  I’ve downloaded it so I can use it off-line, but ironically, Kindle keeps deleting my off-line files, assuming that I have 24-hour fast internet.

Today I had allotted 3 hours to clear out my email inbox.  But in my inbox I found a file that I needed to post to a blog that I created for local pastors.  I had a 9-page PDF document that should have been posted weeks ago, but our neighborhood’s internet cable had been stolen, and after a week I forgot about posting it.  Today, though, I had the document file, I had 3 hours, and the internet said it was working.  Hooray!

So I tried to upload a file from home.  No go.  That’s ok, I thought, I’ll take the laptop closer to the router, and I can even use the wired-in computers in my husband’s office.  I have THREE ways that this can work.

But the internet in the office did the worst thing it can do:  it KIND-OF worked.  I could load emails, about one every 5 minutes, if I clicked the mouse while the internet was functioning.  But about 3 of every 5 minutes, it was out, but it didn’t say it was out, it just didn’t load any pages.  If I knew it wasn’t working, I’d go do something non-computer.  But it seemed to be working. And this blog is at the top of my urgent and necessary list.

So I sat there, for 2 hours, clicking, hoping, gambling that a file would upload.  They’re tiny files – 9 separate PDF images.  It’s a terrible feeling, either “I should be getting this done” or “I should give up and do something else.”  Because they’re both true, and they both induce stress or guilt or a sense of powerlessness.

The key word for living in a developing nation is “WorkAround.”  Always have several back-up plans.  Right now I’m using my phone’s data hotspot to try to upload the files.  It should absolutely work.  It is not working.  Wait, now that I’ve checked again, it uploaded … twice.  Using double the data.  And it uploaded them as documents, not images, so they’re useless.  Wow.  Sigh!  Deep breath in…

At any rate, this blog as snapshots of our life, gives you one more snapshot.  My son shouted at the laptop the other day, “Darn this computer!” … and I told him, that’s the first of 10,000 times you will say that.

We are blessed.  I keep reminding myself of that.  But it is hard to feel faithful when simple things go undone.  It is rough to carry around the constant sense that “maybe NOW the internet is up…”  It just stinks.  This post, though, is just words … cut and paste and I bet it’ll post.  No fancy images this time.  Thank you for reading and receiving my venting!

One response to “On not blogging…

  1. Your statement “But it is hard to feel faithful when simple things go undone.” is what I needed a reminder about today–the fact that we need to remain faithful even when life stresses us out. When I deal with so many big things as a caregiver, it is the little things that can do me in. Thank you for sharing your frustrations and for helping me think about the importance of BEING over DOING. BEING a child of God is vital. Accomplishing my “to do” list for the day is usually not. Love and prayers to you and yours!

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